MONDAY: I’m not sure about the ethical considerations when it comes to using Uber. It seems like it will be the best thing for me to do this winter. It is my responsibility to get myself to see my daughter each week. I live in a semi-rural area so taxis are a rare sight. For instance ABBA Taxi, inc used to be run by two guys living in an apartment in the same complex as me. Their “taxi” was a 15 year old beat up minivan. I suspect it broke down and put them out of business. Not taking Uber would probably only cost me $10 more per week but that is $40 a month I have to remove from another part of my budget.
Since I was told, “Dude chill”, in my comments section I have been chillin’ dude. I thought back and realized I’ve been using the 2 hour settle down and prepare method forever. I almost always start things way too early. I don’t start them, I start thinking about them. Sometimes it backfires and my positive symptoms of schizophrenia can build up. (Positive does not mean good.) If that happens I have almost zero chance of leaving the house. Sometimes I can tell if I will have one of those days. I can feel it when I wake up in the morning and if I can force myself out the door as soon as possible, I can get things done.
I lost interest in writing yesterday. It’s too bad because I was much calmer then. That whole 2 hour rule is bullshit if I let things get out of control. Yes, I’ve got the “roid rage” again. I’m not going to describe it again. I think I’ve spent the last month writing about it on the daily. Speaking of writing daily, I have no idea what to write about and post this weekend. Getting the Uber app reminded me of the first time I rode in one on someone else’s dime. But that is another sex story.
I wish I could figure out what is going on day to day. Last night I took my meds and got plenty of sleep but I’ve been freaking out all day. Yesterday I forgot my meds and got no sleep and I had a normal day.
I make weird salads. I make 2 at a time. I cut all the vegetables into 16 bite size pieces. For each salad that is one stalk of celery, half a cucumber and half a tomato. Plus some romaine I also cut into 16 pieces. It works out to 12 salads for two weeks based on how long it will last in the fridge. Everything works out even except for the celery. You never know what you are going to get from a bunch of it. I do like to eat the celery hearts as a treat when the rest is gone. I eat the whole celery, including the leaves. Is that weird? I do chop off the base at the root. I’m not some kind of filthy animal. I don’t use salad dressing. I use a drizzle of soy sauce, garlic powder and dried basil and oregano. Necessity is the mother of invention.
I made it through the first 2 hours of the day. (Barely) I must hate myself and my life. I woke up screaming at my prescription bottles. (I think they are designed to make me feel worse so I will take more in the hopes of feeling better.) They’ve been up twice to fix my toilet and it wouldn’t flush again this morning. (oh yeah, what a rager) They can get it to flush once and tell me it is fixed. I explain to them I can get it to flush once. (once) It doesn’t mean it’s fixed. They leave.
I’ve dodged a few bullets so far this morning. (I should consider myself lucky.) I almost burned myself pouring boiling water in the top of my broken coffee maker. It lasted a good while for $14.99 at Walmart. Almost broke the glass pot purposely in the sink because it was half full of grounds when I poured it into my cup. (lucky or I would have had broken glass everywhere) Slammed back the cup full of grounds and slammed down my mug to the floor. (Lucky again it was carpeted.) Then I found the real culprit (It was me) I screamed so loud as I beat the fuck out of my stomach with clenched fists like some oversized gorilla. It hurt but again I was lucky I have strong abdominals from years of hard work. Does my doctor have something for that? Besides anxiety pills which don’t calm me.
I think it really started when I opened my blackout shade and saw snowflakes flying. I fucking hate winter. The main reason I don’t move down south is my daughter lives here and I would like to continue seeing her. One thing I do like about winter is it kills all the insects. That’s another reason I don’t move to a warmer climate. I don’t do cockroaches. (gross!)
About 15 years ago I bought a pretty good Dell computer. I had to get rid of it when Windows dropped support for XP. But it came with a set of Harman/Kardon speakers. Left and right side 2 inch tweeters and a woofer that still thumps under my desk. I’m no Luddite but I think I’ve got it pretty good.
I like when people expect me to act like I don’t have a major mental illness.