The avatar I use for all my journal posts was done by my daughter’s half brother. He used an app called Procreate on his iPad. He just turned 12. I spent about 30 seconds describing what I wanted and he took literally 30 seconds to draw on his first attempt. The only note I had for him was to make the jaw a little more square. I didn’t go into that much detail when I asked but he drew exactly what I had pictured in my mind. Procreate is like Photoshop for your tablet. You can use a stylus or just your finger. He used his finger to draw this.
You may be wondering why I am sitting here typing on Saturday morning instead of calling an Uber to visit my daughter. So am I. She asked me if we could skip a week. She didn’t want to say why but it’s not the first time she didn’t feel up to it. Of course I started my favorite “Cognitive Distortion”, All or Nothing thinking. ‘She doesn’t love me anymore. I’m never going to see my daughter again.’ I can’t help it, my brain has always run in extremes. But it was easy to talk myself out of this one after all my time in CBT. Maybe I will take the extra time to write a post for tomorrow. I’ve been thinking about it all week but haven’t even come up with a decent title. Writing a little in this journal every day is easy but I always wait until the last minute to do a real posting. It’s a good story , I just need a good opening paragraph. I’ll come up with something. I usually need to be backed into a deadline before I can start and finish a project.
I had an eventful Halloween night. It turned my frown upside down. A came over by herself because T got hurt when another car hit them on the highway. She was much more expressive than usual, telling me how glad she was to have me to herself, asking if I thought she was sexy and did I think about her when I was alone. I said yes, because she is hot. I was glad too because I like younger women. It was better than having them both here.
I think my mom is going to live forever. She is almost 70 and she still smokes a pack a day. She knows she can’t quit but she won’t even switch to a vape with less chemicals. She also drank a lot until she was about 60. She has already outlasted her parents by 10 years. I wonder if I will inherit her longevity. I quit smoking about 10 years ago and I think I’ve quit drinking. (At least I hope) The last time I had the flu was in high school. The worst illness I get now is a small sniffle. I got run over by a car and was pretty damaged a few years ago but I don’t think that will shorten my lifespan. I’ve always thought I was superhuman after all the near death experiences I’ve survived. Here’s to life, cheers.
Last week my case manager made a point of telling me about something important and said she would get back to me with an answer right away. Today she texted about something else and it should have at least jogged her memory because the two things were related. She does things like this all the time. I wonder if she bakes it? She likes to go camping with her boyfriend and that is what people do when they go camping. Drink beer and smoke weed. Sleeping in a tent isn’t that much fun.
I’m going to vote but I don’t want to watch the election coverage until after they know who wins.
I just finished a collection of Chuck Klosterman essays; “Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs”. It was almost impossible to finish. He went on forever about how “The Empire Strikes Back” defined the Gen X’ers. I’m Gen X and I never saw the stupid movie in the theaters; We couldn’t afford to see good movies. I had to wait to see the whole trilogy in the 90’s while I was tripping balls. It was excruciating. My cultural education came from seeing Brooke Shields nude in “The Blue Lagoon” when our parents stuck us 4 kids in the trunk of a Pontiac Catalina so they wouldn’t have to buy us tickets to the Drive In. That’s right kids; A drive in movie theater. I think they will make a comeback due to social distancing suggestions.
Went to bed stressed about the election. They were trying to predict when almost no votes were counted. They are saying whoever wins will have to heal and bring this country together. How is that going to happen when the current president calls half the country “losers?” Everything is still too close to call this morning so I shut off the television and I’m on joke Twitter for some relief.
Ugh. I did a media blackout last night, I woke up and still nothing happened. It doesn’t really matter because it’s the senate that controls everything. They already got the corporate tax cuts and all the judges they wanted. Now they just don’t approve anything for the next 4 years. Stock market still goes up. Recession won’t hurt anyone who matters.
I just have to not think about it. I’m watching a cooking show on PBS. I haven’t really gotten caught up in watching the minute by minute election analysis. That is too much for me. None of them know what is going to happen but they repeat themselves over and over. I woke up for a couple hours last night and didn’t even check. I watched cartoons.
I woke up too early and drank a bunch of coffee. I bought it at the store because I destroyed my old coffee maker. I ordered a new one but it was shipped to my daughter’s. People steal packages from my building. The woman at the store was trying to give me a coffee card so I could get a free coffee after I bought whatever. I told her I won’t be buying anymore. I won’t get a free coffee anyway because I never bring a stupid card with me to the store. I can’t keep track of that shit.
I didn’t get caught up in too much of the election coverage for the first couple of days. I would check in every few hours to see if anything changed. After midnight I got tied up in watching minute to minute and it stressed me out. Nothing happened again. Now the whole day has gone and still nothing. Finally someone on television made sense. We had historic mail in voting and it takes longer to count those votes. So just be patient.
I really can’t believe he just came out and lied about massive fraud with all the people who take him at his word. I email a woman and we don’t talk politics but she told me she spent 8 hours at the polls. I said I didn’t know you worked the polls. She said, no, I was there volunteering to look for voter fraud. I was surprised. Especially in our tiny state with a whopping 2 electoral votes. I’m sure we have a huge conspiracy here. I couldn’t say anything to her because I know she is an ardent supporter. I vote but I don’t wave a huge flag with my candidates name on it. I’ve never “loved” a president of the United States. I don’t trust everything a politician says and take to the streets for them.
This is going to take a lot longer than I thought. Watching the news is ridiculous. The President says something that is complete bullshit and they treat it like it’s a debate. Now you have people out protesting at counting centers who think it’s “very suspicious” votes are being counted.
At least I am going to see my daughter today. But she has just developed an interest in politics and has been watching closer than I have. I know how the vote is going but I am afraid of what he will do in his last 2 months in office.