Hornpoutin’ 2 (Imma Sex Machine!)

Heart colored pencils

The married guys advertising use of their “sex machines” is what got me started messing with guys online last week. I didn’t know what they were talking about and they said they could “host or travel.” I had to find out about this “sex machine”. There were four separate men offering it’s use in the same night so there is quite a competition out there.

I sent out the same four messages. “How big is it? What does it look like?” It turns out there are two different kinds. All four men sent me pictures of it. Three of them sent the advertisement photo from Google and one sent a real pic of it sitting right there in the corner of the bedroom. If you have never seen one before, this is what it looks like. It is a 10″ dildo attached to a piston, driven by a large electric motor, fastened to a frame the size of a small bench. They all said they could travel with it but this thing is the size of a small piece of furniture. It’s not something you store in the drawer of your nightstand.

I responded to all four of them with the same comment, “Whoa! That looks dangerous! Does your wife know about it?” All four of the men said the same thing. It has a slow speed and it feels nice and yes, their wives know but want nothing to do with it.

Things got really interesting when I asked them if they have ever used it. I really wasn’t expecting the answers I got. That’s not entirely true. One answer I did expect was the man that lied and said, “I’ve only used it on a few women, but I haven’t had it very long.” I did not believe that for a minute. Did he mean women are lining up for a chance but he just doesn’t have time to get to them all? The other three men were surprisingly blunt. They said they have only used it on themselves. Whoa! I wasn’t expecting that! I asked them what they do after, throw it in the dishwasher? They said no, they put a condom on the attachment and disinfect it after.

What the fuck is going on in these households? They told me the machines cost hundreds of dollars. Was there a discussion with their wives? Did this money come out of the Christmas fund? Was it an early present for themselves? When do they use it? I’m sure their wives don’t want to watch, so are they sitting in the living room listening to the motor hum? Is it a Saturday morning ritual? Do they wait for their wives to take the kids out of the house to go grocery shopping? Go into the bedroom, strip down, unroll a condom over the shaft, lube it up, bend over in front of it, grab the remote and drill themselves up the ass with what is essentially a huge silicone penis attached to an oversized power tool.

What do they expect to do if a woman really was interested in them traveling with it? You can’t really fit it in your gym bag. It would take some planning to get it out to the car. Then you have to bring it into the woman’s house. What will the neighbors think?

I’m done messing with guys online for now. Until I find something else that blows my mind. This was definitely the story I’ve been dying to tell.

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