Thursday, January 7th 2021:
A penitent president backed down from his fiery rhetoric today. It seems the only thing he fears more than losing power is losing his social media accounts! What a loser!
I spent today texting relatives that there were really only about 500 protesters at the capitol building yesterday. Not 10,000 like the media was trying to say. They kept using close up view of the crowd to make it look like a lot of people were there but when they showed the camera from across the street you could tell it was mostly empty space. It was just a number of hardcore members and the rest just wandered over from the president’s rally. Once they were there they didn’t seem to know what to do next.
I just pulled a nutty on my therapist again. She said, “You sound frustrated.” I sound frustrated? Yes. Being lied to by my doctor and my therapist over five years just frustrates the heck out of me. I am so darn frustrated. Fuck you! I’m pissed! “It sounds like you aren’t coming from a place of trust.” Do you think? My doctor is next on Monday.
I’ve lost my daughter. Now I’m just some weird guy who shows up on weekends. I’ve been replaced by her step father who does all the things with her that I should be doing but I can’t. She is almost 16. She has lived with him for 13 years. I was only there for 3. I can’t compete. He is there 24/7 and I am there on 1 day a week. I used to be proud of myself. My dad was a loser who abandoned me and the best thing he did for my family was die and leave a pittance. I was proud of myself for showing up every week. I spent 6 years driving an hour and a half each way. It wasn’t easy but I was there. Now I live closer and she doesn’t want me there every week. When I was married my grandfather in law would joke, You know, you can be replaced…. and laugh. But that is exactly what happened. I was replaced. The good part of it is her step dad is a good person. He does everything for the family. I don’t know what I would do if he was an asshole. Maybe I am just too emotional. I cried all night last night. I’m starting to cry right now. It’s not like I just took off on her. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t work and support a family. I can’t drive. I can’t go places with her. I’m mental. I’m an embarrassment.