A New Resolve

1/31/21: I’m up very early today. I’ve been looking down a lot lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m fat. Not everywhere; just in my belly. My arms and legs are skinny and that just makes my middle look bigger. And it’s pretty big. I gained 20 pounds since the lock down last March. That is a big difference for me. I’m 200 now. I’m making a belated New Year’s Resolution. Or maybe I will put it as a challenge to myself like the woman in that book. I am going to lose 20 pounds by my birthday in April! I can do it. I’ve done it quicker before. I lost 10 pounds in a month when I went to ova-lacto vegetarian and I lost faster when I went strict vegan. I am not going to do that this time. I am hooked on 1 roasted chicken from the grocery store each week. I can’t pass it up because it is only 5 bucks and delicious and I get 2 meals from it. I will try it with the chicken the first month and see what happens. I want to get down to 180 lbs. Most of my gain came from eating quick fix calzones from the convenience store. Also bags of corn chips, a lot of peanuts and chocolate. Yum!

I also started exercising a little but I didn’t put much thought into it: I did it more on a whim. My arms were hurting in the mornings when I woke up so I started stretching them. I noticed how atrophied they had gotten. My legs are strong from riding my bicycle all summer but it did nothing for my arms. They just sit there. I saw my old ankle weights on the floor. I got them to do rehab on the leg I broke a few years ago. They weigh five pounds each. I used them to do triceps curls from the back of my neck to far above my head. Then I bent at the waist and hung my arms down. Twisting up to the right and the left to work my obliques. I do each exercise for just a few minutes but can feel it work the muscles. It’s not much weight but I don’t want to bulk up. I just want to be tone.

Monday

Correction: Yesterday I said I weigh 200 lbs. I don’t have a scale and weighed myself at my daughter’s house yesterday. It said 195. Congrats to me but I don’t believe the scale. I look to myself like I weigh more than 200.

I know it sounded like I am going to make a drastic change to my eating habits but it’s not really. I already eat a ton of vegetables and have added some fruits. I only need to cut out the junk I added during the quarantine period. I woke up very early again today so I’ve already had breakfast; 1 cup of cooked lentils, 1 pear and 1 apple. That is normal for me. The fruits have a lot of sugar in them so I think I am going to switch 1 of them to grapefruit next time I shop. It depends on the price. Grapefruit has very little sugar. I am out of tomatoes so I can’t have one for lunch. I will probably eat a head of romaine with soy sauce, sriracha and spices. Dinner will be a plate of wheat pasta and broccoli which I buy frozen. That is a cheap 4 meals. $1 for a pound of pasta and $1.50 for a 1 pound bag of broccoli. For snacks I have baby carrots and radishes. I know, yummo, right? But I like all that stuff. I will probably add another apple in there also. I still see roasted chickens in my future, they are just too delicious.

I know what caused this change in behavior and lifestyle. The voices I hear are no longer negative and telling me I am useless and to hurt myself. That is a relief. Now it is less frequent and encouraging. A few years ago I had a voice I called the “Drill Sergeant”. He was slightly taller than me and followed me everywhere about 4 feet behind. All the while yelling at me to do things. But they were things I had to get done anyway. He was actually helpful. I wish I could get that back again because it came with a hypo-manic/manic episode that lasted about a year.

Anyway, although this is going to start as a crash diet for the first 2 months to see how much weight I can lose, it is not a fad for me. I was eating as a casual vegan for a few years before the pandemic came. Meaning when I was at home I was strict vegan but when I went to a restaurant or someone’s house I ate anything. I’m not morally opposed to meat although I am disgusted by the whole meat industry in the U.S.

I still have to steam a basket of green beans today before they go bad. Do you see? I still eat a ton of vegetables. I can’t buy organic, it would be way too expensive. One thing I can’t make a decision on is the peanuts I eat as a snack. I’ve been eating 2 pounds a week. I can’t help it. I like them as a mindless snack and they are cheap. I will cut to 1 can a week and see how that goes. They have a lot of fat and come on… A serving size is 1 quarter cup? That is just one small handful. I can sit there and eat 10 handfuls. We may have to part ways. I could never control the quantities of foods I eat. That is why I stuff myself with vegetables all day.

Tuesday

I wrote another love story and scheduled it for Sunday.

Wednesday

I cleaned my kitchen. I had to split it up over 2 days. The stove was the worst. It took 2 days but it was only about a half hour of work.

Thursday

Not much going on here today. Yesterday I went to the grocery store and came back with all the same stuff minus the junk food.

Friday

I got off to a great start today! I burned my lentils and set off the fire alarm for the whole building! Somehow it shut off before the firemen got here. There are so many apartments in my building that it happens to someone at least once a month. This time it was me!

I think I’m going to start a YouTube channel for short meditation videos. I already made a clip of my cat circling his water bowl in slow motion and then drinking for a bit. I downloaded the Bandlab music creator because I wanted original music. I got those two put together and now I need to make a voice over track. In the Windows 10 video editor I have to record the track separately. I’m looking at another video editor (Davinci Resolve) where I can record and edit the voice over in the same program. All of these apps are free! Davinci looks a little too complicated for the kind of simple editing I want to do. But I will see how much trouble it is to add a voice over track in Windows. I’ve never made a video for YouTube. My daughter had a channel years ago. She uploaded screen capture of her video game with her talking over it. I need to learn something new.

I’m not going to see my daughter this weekend. Her brother is home from school in quarantine because another kid in his class tested positive. (Her brother tested negative) This is the second time a kid tested positive in 2 months.

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