Monogamous for the Moment

Heart colored pencils

I met G___ on POF a long time ago when it was still a fun app to use for dating. I was manic and never slept so I was pretty much talking to anyone who would type back. She typed back the most but didn’t seem interested in meeting me. I didn’t care. She was funny. We spent most of the time making fun of all the other people we met through the app. I was messing around with a few women and told her about it. It wasn’t until I was single, single that she wanted to meet me. I knew she wouldn’t just come to hang and bang so I made a bet with her that was designed for me to lose. Don’t get dirty now, the bet was loser pays for lunch. It was just my way of getting her to drive up here and meet me for lunch. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to remember what the bet was because it was hilarious. But I lost and invited her to lunch the next day. We went to a nice place a couple towns over but they had reasonable priced lunches. And it was good food. I remember we talked in person as easily as we typed and texted so that went well. She wanted Starbucks after and we went for a ride. We came back to my apartments and I used the only canned line I use when I think someone is going to say yes. “Want to come up and see how the other half lives? Anyway, it makes me laugh. I knew she was going to say yes. I knew she was promiscuous (no pejorative) but she also wanted monogamy. It didn’t matter if I only broke up with my girlfriend an hour ago, as long as I didn’t have a girlfriend. We hooked up that day and I think one more time. I don’t remember much more than that. Neither of us drank at the time so that is not why I can’t remember. Whatever. She met another guy and had to be monogamous again so we lost touch.

I wouldn’t be writing this at all if she had not texted me last Saturday around midnight asking me what’s up. It had been so long I had taken her out of my contacts so I was lucky she told me her name in the first text. I remembered the whole first paragraph I just wrote when I saw her name so that was good. We chatted for a bit and she asked me if I had a girlfriend. I said I didn’t and then she steered the conversation towards sexting. She doesn’t drink so it’s not like she just got home from the bar and was drunk and horny. And we had never texted sexually before but whatever. I’ve been a raging alcoholic my whole life but I attract women who don’t drink or drink very little. (go figure?) We did all that and then I said I wanted to follow through on what we talked about.

It was my fault. It was exciting getting looked up by someone I barely remembered. She had Friday off so we planned on her coming up to see me and I thought about it all week. Then she got in here and my memory had filled in a lot of holes faultily. She wasn’t the person I thought I knew. I wanted to back out but we had talked it up for 5 days. I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure what she wanted from me because she told me she just broke up with her boyfriend. The one from earlier in the story. So it was a serious relationship she had going on. I mean I know what she wanted from me. It was just strange to look me up after so long. It was several years longer than I thought. I just felt weird about the whole thing. I wrote about it in my journal post yesterday. I don’t think I’m going to contact her back.

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