Lisa, Lisa, Lisa!

Heart colored pencils

Three days after Christmas I got a text, “How was your Xmas? ~Lisa” I checked my contacts. I had three Lisa’s. Each one only had a last initial, that was no help. It wasn’t the Lisa I remembered texting for a long time but never met. Besides, I hadn’t heard from her in at least two years. That narrowed it down to two Lisa’s but I still had no clue who it could be. To tell the truth, it must have been the most popular name around the time I was born because at least half the women I had ever texted in my life were named Lisa. I took a shot in the dark, “Good, you?” “Horrible, my boyfriend broke up with me.” Great. Who is texting me a casual, “How was your Xmas?” Only to immediately dump bad news on me? It didn’t help either because I don’t mess with women who have boyfriends so I had no idea who would be getting dumped on the holidays.

I should have said, “I have no idea who this is” but I didn’t want to insult someone because I have a bad memory. Also I am always curious. I said, “I’m sorry to hear that.” We went back and forth a few times and it clicked. We had texted for a very short time the previous summer. The only thing I remembered about her was when I told her I had a woman as a pen pal she said if I was in a relationship that would be “emotional cheating” if I continued. I said if you had a manfreind for years and you got into a relationship would you have to stop talking to that manfriend or would you be “emotional cheating?” She said I guess you’re right. Shortly after that she disappeared. No big deal, happens all the time. We had nothing invested in each other.

During the same conversation she asked me if I wanted to meet after the New Year. I said I would. I was still curious but I think I figured out what was going on. She stopped talking to me because she found a boyfriend and didn’t want to cheat emotionally but he dumped her so it was okay to talk to me again. Whatever. I still didn’t know anything about her.

We set up a time to meet for lunch and met in person. This time she really surprised me when she told me what was going on. I didn’t have a good first impression of her but she was exuberant, talking like we had been best friends for years. Then she dropped it on me. Her boyfriend told her he didn’t want to be a couple anymore but he still wanted to do some things couples did. (Have sex) That was okay with her and that was where I came into the picture. She wanted me to be the part of the couple she went out on fun dates with and then go back to her house where her ex? Boyfriend was waiting to have sex with her.

That really spun my head around! If having a pen pal was emotional cheating, what exactly was she describing? Which one of us would be getting cheated on? I wanted to tell her if anyone was going to be having sex in that situation it would be me but I let her go on. She described the dates we could have. Going to the city for dinners, comedy clubs, museums, etc… I don’t know. It didn’t sound like I could afford to be her asexual boyfriend. I was non-committal and we parted ways after lunch. I thought that would be it.

I got home and thought, that was a new one. Isn’t that why women get a gay best friend? I thought that would be the end of it but in the middle of the next week she texted me again. She asked if I wanted to go out tonight? I told her, “I don’t know, Wednesday is usually the night I do homemade porn and I didn’t have a partner so it was going to be pretty hard.” She didn’t answer me. I didn’t care. I was confused by the whole thing. Why was she holding me in her back pocket for months as a potential back up “boyfriend?” I didn’t know why she thought I would enjoy going on dates with her when the guy she was dating put a stop to it. And she was having sex with him. All she knew about me was my name in her phone.

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