Tuesday: My daughter picked me up and drove me home in her car. She was so excited! In the morning her mother was in the car and they both stress each other out. I was getting nervous. Her mom would jump on her for making a mistake and it would make my daughter so nervous she couldn’t think straight and start doing the opposite of what she should do, which made her mom get more upset. It was a vicious circle. On the way home it was just her step father and I and we just let her drive and she did everything perfectly. She is going to be fine.
I lost another 5 pounds. That makes 15 since I stopped that horror show medication. That is the only change I made and I just started dropping weight. I wasn’t even exercising for 3 weeks because of the withdrawals.
Wednesday: I have 3 weeks left to lose 5 more pounds and meet my challenge. I think it will happen. I’ve been dropping weight fairly quickly since leaving that med behind.
Thursday: I completely missed a day this week. I didn’t change anything. I didn’t blackout. I remember everything I did this week. It just took me until today to realize I’ve been a day behind all week. It’s not like I would think it’s the wrong day for a second and catch myself. All week I thought I knew what day it was and I was wrong. Yesterday (Wednesday) someone told me they were picking me up tomorrow (Thursday) at noon. I went straight to my calendar to write down she was picking me up Wednesday at noon. It took until this morning to look at my calendar and wonder why she didn’t pick me up Wednesday at noon. It’s not like her to not show up and not tell me. I finally sat at my computer still trying to figure it out and Boom! It’s Thursday. I hope I don’t fuck up tomorrow, I have to pay my bills.
Best April Fool joke I know: One of the possible side effects of my anti anxiety medication is anxiety. (Not a joke)
Friday: All month long I’ve been catching myself talking angrily out loud at my doctor. I won’t actually talk to him until next week. I go through all the things I want to say because I am pissed about that medication fucking me up but I stop myself because I am only going to talk to him for 2 minutes on the phone and he isn’t going to give a shit. I have to stop wasting time and energy on this shit.
Saturday: I’ve been practicing yelling at my doctor all morning. I’m trying to give it a rest. I can’t help it. I want to ask him how many times I told him, no, I don’t want to change any of my medications. Because I know how many times. Every time I went into his fucking office. I remember because I made a point of saying it every time. It didn’t matter how messed up I was, no, I don’t want to change any of my medications. Because for the first time since they started putting me on meds I had no side effects. I wasn’t even fat anymore. I wasn’t doing great but I was doing well enough and I had no side effects. I still can’t figure out how the fuck he talked me into starting a new drug.