Wed July 28 2021: I was quite proud of myself yesterday for making it through 2 weeks of the worst anxiety of my life. (that is saying a lot) I was happiest because I did it without drinking (since I’m a raging alcoholic) and only taking 1mg of clonazepam each day, although I am prescribed and and had available 3mg per day. I don’t know how I managed that. Every time I saw the bottle sitting there I really wanted instant relief. That would make the anxiety worse. (as if that was possible) I don’t know why I was so determined. Like I said I was feeling pretty good about kicking anxiety’s ass, until it came back unexpectedly later in the evening. That was scary because none of the techniques I used yesterday were working. My biggest fear was it would go on forever. It only lasted about an hour. Phew! I was getting pissed because it was interfering with the joy I felt sharing in my daughter’s happiness about getting her license and being out there doing her own thing. She is a very different person now.
Speaking of my daughter, she is doing great! She is the first of her friends to start driving and they were waiting in line for her to take her for a ride in her old school black on black BMW. It’s so old it only has a CD player for her music. No phone plug in and certainly not bluetooth. She likes it since she is into retro. She already has a pretty good collection of CD’s and wants to bring me to her favorite music store in Portsmouth. She has her eye on the next one. She has great taste in music. When I visit her the first thing she does is show me what she has added to her collection. I was surprise to see Jimi Hendrix “Are You Experienced” one of my favorites from when I was younger. The first week she was driving she and her boyfriend had a picnic in Prescott Park. I was surprised to hear that. It doesn’t sound like something she would be into. She made him peanut butter and fluff roll ups, his favorite and they had strawberries with sugar. When I left I told her how happy I was she is getting out there and doing her thing.
Tomorrow she is going with her parents, their friends and her boyfriend to see Green Day in Fenway Park! She is so excited. It is her first concert since the virus and she has never been to the ball field. She wanted to take her car but her mom won’t let her drive in Boston. I told her she is going to have the best time! I am so excited for her. Thinking about how awesome she is makes my throat tighten and my eyes start to tear up. It is a new feeling for me. I am so happy!