Space Exploration

My daughter starts her first job today! It’s at Goodwill. But, believe it or not, it was her first choice and she got hired two days after she got her license! She has been buying all her clothes at thrift stores for the past few years. Except her Doc Marten’s. She has started wearing dresses and skirts for the first time since she was 4 and started choosing her own clothes. That was a shocker. She would pitch a fit whenever her mom tried to make her wear them. But now she is into boys and has a serious boyfriend.

The Goodwill store is about a mile from me. Yesterday I told her I was going to come in and embarrass her. She said, “Please don’t.” I said, joking. I asked her if I was going to get the inside scoop on the good t-shirts now but she isn’t allowed to buy anything until it has been on the rack for a week. I like to go there once in a while because I can usually find an interesting shirt, never worn with the tags still on it. But still only 6 bucks. She is only scheduled 15 hours a week but it pays $11 per hour. I was surprised. I thought it would be minimum wage. $7.35 an hour which is ludicrous because it has only increased by 10 cents in 40 years. Here in America, the richest country in the world. That is a big Fuck You! to the common man. I said she will be excited to make her own bank. She has really taken to having her own car. She knows how to jump start the battery and check and fill the oil. She is afraid to do the coolant but she will have to learn since the warning light keeps coming on.

My anxiety is still under control. That is pretty cool. It was the first time in my life I really thought it could last forever. Now my biggest anxiety is the super anxiety returning. Now I am back to my little fears I can quash pretty quickly. I am having a newish disturbance. It started a few months ago as annoyance but now it is incredibly intrusive. I will hear short phrases or bits of the last song I heard repeating all day and night. I can’t fully fall asleep. I have had songs stuck in my head before but this is different. It takes over half of my brain. Strangely, I can quell it with deep breathing but I can’t concentrate on that and something else at the same time. Luckily a few days ago I discovered if I listen to one of the chillout or lo-fi hip hop stations streaming on YouTube while I’m writing one of these in the morning, I can usually hear it for the rest of the day. It’s not entirely unpleasant. The worst is when I’m watching television and they play a short clip of a familiar song, it just sticks. Yesterday sucked. There is a commercial for some product and all day I heard, “Build me up, Buttercup.” Over and over. I tried YouTube a few times but it didn’t work. I don’t know… It’s not really interfering with my life. I’m still taking care of myself and my responsibilities. I’m still focused on my daughter and glad I can share in her happiness.

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