Driven to Distraction

Robot Brain

My daughter went to the Green Day concert Thursday night in Fenway Park with family and friends. Her mom texted me videos of her having a great time jumping up and down and singing along. It makes me so happy she is out having fun while she is young. I texted her the next day, She said she had a good time. I asked her if it was the best concert ever. She said, I don’t know. That is her way of telling me no.

I wanted to see her but she had to work. Instead I took another 3 hour bike ride. The exercise makes me feel so much better. The last 2 times I have gone I discovered it is a lot more fun when I take my time. I don’t know why but for the longest time I was trying to go full speed needlessly. I was always on the clock, trying to beat my best time. I could never remember what my best time was but I was still trying to beat it. Last week I had to force myself to slow down and enjoy the ride. I realized I had been missing interesting things all these years. I was still trying to keep myself in the highest gear without too much strain. Yesterday I got down to the beach and thought, WTF? I am still going too fast. I shifted down to 2nd gear and kept it there. I was like, Oh no, what’s wrong? I’m coasting down hills and it is much easier going up the other side. It was very relaxing and I got to spend more time in the sun and fresh air and smelling the ocean.

I know the main reason I was always going so fast was my last bicycle had a speedometer/odometer that also kept track of average speed. I was always trying to raise those numbers. Now I think, who cares? I’m still going to get where I want to go. I want to do it again today but it will be hotter and I usually don’t take long rides 2 days in a row. My body is not sore at all today and I am already restless so I think by 11am I will be running out the door!

In other news, I don’t think the tinnitus so much directly related to anxiety. For a couple days I had minimal anxiety and it was still as loud as ever. You would think that would cause more anxiety. I did have some worries it might last forever but yesterday and today it has been at about 50 percent. Only getting louder after I returned home from my ride and into my quiet apartment. It again lowered in about an hour. It didn’t interfere with my sleep. My next guess is it is from high blood pressure brought on by all the new stress I’ve had recently. I have no way of checking it. If it gets worse again my next step is to go to a doctor where they can check several things and still may not find the cause.

I have been jazzed to get outside today since I woke up and saw cloudless skies and checked the weather app showing only the slightest chance of rain. It is already August and I don’t want to waste anymore of these beautiful summer days. My daughter is stopping by to drop off the wireless earbuds I ordered. I get packages shipped to her house because there is a problem of items being stolen in my apartment building. Boxes are left on the floor in front of the community mailboxes at the front door. Last time I had something delivered here I got a text confirming the delivery and went down within 15 minutes and it was gone. Assholes!

I’m still positive today!

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