Sad But True

One of my daughter’s favorite bands, Royal Blood, released a cover of Metallica’s “Sad But True.” It reminded me of a good story. Lucky you!

Jumping into the Way Back Machine.

When I was in my early 20’s I got my first construction job because it paid a lot more than any other job for someone with no experience. It was a pretty shitty job. It was removing and replacing flat asphalt/tar roofing such as you would find on schools, warehouses or other commercial buildings. It was hot and dirty.

Most of the people who worked there were around my age. A few were older. One of the older guys was Earl. Everyone had a nickname and his was “G’Earl.” He wasn’t particularly feminine. I guess it was just an easy reach. I have no idea why, but Earl had been married 4 times and had children with each previous wife. Now he was married to his job. All of his money went towards alimony and child support. It was a little sad. The job was always trying to rope us into working on Saturday. None of us kids really wanted to do that. Earl worked every Saturday, even if there was no pressing need. He would also try to talk the bosses into letting him go on repair jobs on Sundays. But that is neither here nor there.

The company did work all across New England and if the job was too far away to makes sense driving everyone home each day, they would put us up in a hotel for the week. Once I got picked to go on a 2 day repair with Earl, it was in Rhode Island so we would have to spend one night in a hotel. I wasn’t really friends with him but he was nice enough, I just didn’t know what we would have in common to talk about.

Another non sequitur before I can continue. This job was dirty. At the end of the day everyone was covered in grime from head to toe. Not Earl. He had a collection of thrift shop white silk dress shirts and wore one to work every day. At the end of the day, his shirts were spotless. I have no idea how he did it. I had clothes specifically designated for work because they never came clean no matter how many times you washed them. Once in a while some asshole would flick drops of asphalt at him and he would get pissed! Pissed!

Earl and I made it down to Rhode Island. I have no idea what the job entailed but it was fairly easy. We got back to the hotel and he asked me if I wanted to a strip club that night. Surprisingly, I had never been to a strip club before but looking at naked women did sound like a good idea. He was excited and told me we were near the best club in Rhode Island. Well Earl… You little freak… I didn’t know any strip clubs by name and this guy has them ranked in a 300 mile radius!

We got there and he was right. This club was straight out of Hollywood’s imagination! It was huge and the lighting and and the music and the crowd. Wow. But of course the main attraction was the stage and it didn’t disappoint. At least a 100 seats around it, 3 dancers on poles and 6 more working the main floor in rotation. Earl grabbed me and took me right up to ”pervert’s row” Two seats stage side. Earl didn’t drink but I ordered a Bud. I think it was all they served. It was good enough for me.

This is where I found out a little more about Earl than I needed to know. When a dancer got in front of him and put her ass near his face, he would lean forward and blow a little puff of air on their sphincter. WTF? He said, “They love it!” But one woman stopped what she was doing and turned around and asked him to please not do that. It was pretty funny.

After we were there for a bit Earl motioned to the girl in front of him to come closer and he spoke into her ear. He pulled out a 5 spot and draped it over the 6 inch high glass partition, in front of my seat, that was supposed to keep us away from the dancers. I was next in line and she moved over in front of me. She straightened up, looking past me over my head and made a spinning motion with her index finger directed at the DJ.

The whole place went silent… She got down in front of me, about 3 inches away, we were nose to nose and eye to eye… I thought… “Oh my.” Then I heard the kick of the drums and then the guitar… Metallica, “Sad but True!” “Hey (Hey) I’m your life, I’m the one who takes you there, Hey (Hey) I’m your life, I’m the one who cares.” She went nuts on me for the entire song! Draping her long, straight hair over my head, kissing my eyes and forehead, swinging from side to side and biting each of my ears, (she didn’t know but that is my “thing”, be careful if you are thinking of touching my ears) bouncing her little titties off my face… What is going on here? I didn’t know much about strip clubs but I knew touching a dancer was fastest way to get tossed out of there. I didn’t know what the rules were about dancers touching me, but I wasn’t asking any questions. The song ended and she smiled and moved on.

Earl stood up and said, Let’s get out of here. When we got outside he said he told the girl it was my first time in a strip club.

Thanks Earl, I owe you one.

3 thoughts on “Sad But True

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