What the hell is going on around here? That is a rhetorical question. I can explain. I’ve had a Twitter account since 2009. I mostly follow small accounts of people I think are funny but also some well known comedians or comedy writers. In the past few years with so much political upheaval, the funny people first went to political jokes and then stopped trying to be funny and went straight up political. A lot of the smaller accounts stopped posting altogether. My timeline was getting depressing. I started another account in February. I was having a lot of mental health issues and my mindset was negative thoughts. I decided I would only post positive messages and follow people with positive messages and repost positivity. I’m not exactly inspirational but you get the idea. I follow about 300 people and have maybe 100 following me.

Soon after I started the account I got a DM from someone. The only person to do it. I never send messages to people. My account gives no indication of my gender and their account gave no indication of their gender. Their posts were similar to mine. I figured it was a guy because they were asking me kind of personal questions. Maybe they thought I was a woman because of what I wrote. I couldn’t guess who was behind the account. It is a small locked account. They liked a lot of my posts but also a lot of other people’s posts. We had a short back and forth and I found a good point to not reply. Then my akathesia started and I really couldn’t do much on the internet because I could not concentrate or sit down for more than a few minutes. So Twitter fit well with that. My posts are short and concise and I could scroll a little and repost. But I was not very active.

I August when I started feeling better and spending more time online I was awake one night in the twilight zone. I remembered the message and reread the conversation. On impulse I wrote, “What the hell were you expecting of me?” I got a reply soon after. It was a long message, I don’t remember what it said but they seemed upset by my question. I responded, “I love you”. They came back, “That was way back in February , why are you answering now and why did you think I expected something from you?” I told them why I started the account and they told me they started their account for the same reason. Then asked, “Second, why did you tell me you love me.” I said, “To spread some positivity.” They said it made them happy and I was doing a good job. We messaged back and forth sporadically and I figured out it was a woman when she told me she had her heart broken by a man recently. It didn’t matter to me but it was another person to talk to and she is interesting.

Last week she started sending me long ass messages one after the other. I knew she was into spirituality and mysticism, but started to get pretty far out there. I began to wonder but I thought a lot of people believe in some crazy shit but that doesnt mean they are crazy. She started hinting around she was in the process of a business deal that would make her millions but no specifics. At the same time she said she was moving to a smaller apartment and needed a roomate. I wondered where the million dollar idea went but I kept my mouth shut.

Monday she went off about her car got impounded for parking tickets and she couldn’t afford to get it back and other money problems but some people helped her. Okay, She’s not a millionaire, she doesn’t own a mansion and a yacht. Still interesting conversation. Then out of the blue she asked if I wanted to see some lingerie pics she had taken recently or if she was daring maybe some of the nudes? What? Sure, send whatever you are comfortable. She sent me picture after picture, each more revealing and it turned into some straight up rated X. This girl was smoking! I figured I was getting catfished but she wasn’t trying to get anything out of me so I went along and complimented her a bit. She said, “You are one lucky man, I get $100 for each of those, I’m about to make $600 in a few, pays my rent.” I said you just gave me a thousand worth, I guess I am pretty lucky. I didn’t know what to think. I’ve seen plenty of pics of nude women so they don’t do a lot for me. We both went to bed.

Last night, Tuesday, I got home around 10pm and checked to see if there were any more messages. We talked as if she never sent the pics. I’m not sure how we got on the subject I think she mentioned things about anxiety and negative thought patterns and trying to keep track of her moods. As I was reading it at a random time the three dots showed up indicating she was typing at the same time I was typing, I got it out first saying careful about keeping track of every little detail, for months I was taking noted on my pocket calendar and driving myself crazy flipping through trying to figure out what happened when, what was important or not, what the hell all my shorthand stood for, half of it made no sense. She sent her message at the same time, it was long as fuck, talking about she is using Excel spreadsheets to keep track of synchronicities and noticing a pattern and her life is affected by something bigger than this Universe and all kinds of crazy shit.

I thought it again for the hundredth time in my life! What the fuck? She is schizo too! How the hell do they find me. I gave no indication of any mental illness in my postings. My bio says, “I am you from another dimension” and my pinned tweet is, “Get in your spaceship and explore your universe”. The most I said and reposted were jokes about anxiety I thought were funny. One of my posts was, “Kats>Klonopin”, so what? Everyone has anxiety. I’m telling you I attract Schizophrenics. I don’t advertise, they seek me out.

We talked about some of that and she got on the subject of having her heart broken and 3 years of shit and he chose another woman. Whatever, I tried to say something helpful, then she said, “I never even held him in my arms, he was never mine to have. It’s all in my head.” I’m thinking she made this guy up? I asked her a few questions, okay, he was real, she was in love but he chose another woman. We talked for hours and it was getting a little depressing, me thinking about my own failed relationships. I said, “Hey”, “What?”, “Do you have any chocolate at your place?”, “No, I wish”, I guess I won’t tell you about the chocolate I just found in my freezer.” Good, I change the subject and she stopped talking the guy and we went on about the food we were eating, Nothing serious, getting really late like 4am, she asked if she was an ancient goddess which one would she be? I said, Aphrodite. She got excited and said that is me! Those are the tattoos I have covering my body. Her symbols. She gave me 2.5 points for that, we had a joke she had me on a scoring system for each time I made her laugh or got an answer correct.

She said something about dying, I told her she would live forever in my mind. “Wow, where did that come from?”. “4am bullshit.” (true), “I guess we can chalk it up to that”, “No, actually you are indelible”. I said a lot of shit last night. I can be impressive but this girl is way out of my league. I am like Cyrano hiding in the bushes feeding the appealing guy lines.

5am. She told me I had an hour to get 1.5 points. Ha ha. No pressure. Then she started sexting me. I was not expecting that. I went along. Sexting is exciting the first time but after that it gets boring if it’s not going to lead to the real thing quickly. I have no illusions about her hopping on a bus to New Hampshire from NYC and falling in love with my old, ugly ass. I wasn’t really taking it seriously because I have no idea who she is on the internet. But then I found out she was real. She sent a close up picture of her, umm… “using” something she had been holding in one of the original set of pictures she sent the night before. Okay, I’m interested. 6am, she told me I scored 10 points in the hour. We have achieved the Rapture. We both went to bed. I haven’t checked if she messaged me again. I can’t figure out how I find these people but I like it. Synchronicity?

4 thoughts on “Aphrodite

    1. I had no idea who I was talking to but we talked a fair bit about everyday things before she sent me photos. A lot was each of us had similar ways of addressing our negative thought patterns. I still thought a lot, “this is probably some guy” but if she is trying to get something from me she is sure pulling a long con.

      Liked by 1 person

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