Last winter I bought a small pocket calendar to keep track of changes I was making and their effects as well as appointments, etc.. I didn’t think I needed anything big. Just something simple to write a quick note with a pen in 2 seconds instead of opening a device. Then all kinds of crazy shit started happening but I was still trying to fit it all on the few lines provided for each day. God forbid something happened on the weekend because they squeezed Saturday and Sunday into the space of one weekday.
After the important events slowed down, I looked back on it and it barely made sense. I was trying to squeeze much unnecessary information in there as possible alongside what I needed to remember. I would fill the space for one day and draw an arrow to continue in the space of the next day, only to find I needed that space the next day and would relegate myself to the margins. It was a mess. I was driving myself crazy flipping back and forth trying to figure out what happened when and what the hell my abbreviations were supposed to mean.
Luckily I did a good job of writing events as soon as they happened. I opened a word document and transferred only the facts. I was lucky to think of buying the calendar when I did because my sense of time makes no sense at all. I might remember something happened in winter if I happened to be outside standing in a foot of snow at the time. I could never tell you the month. But I did manage filter out the extraneous matters and type out dates and actions that would match dates and actions other people would have written in their notes about me.
Today I had an appointment and I noticed I had something penned in for tomorrow. It was the Seafood Festival at Hampton Beach. It is 3 days but the big day is Saturday. It has been happening for 30 years but I have never been interested in going, I don’t care for seafood. I flipped forward through the calendar and saw I had other places and times written in. I remembered. When I first joined meetup I was genuinely looking for sober activities but they were hard to find. The hiking and biking groups took place too far away but I joined them anyway. I signed up for a ton of groups I had no idea if I would be interested. Like online yoga classes or meditation groups. I’ve never done yoga and I certainly don’t see myself downloading Zoom and meditating with a group of strangers.
I realized what I had written down in my calendar were events from meetup, but groups I couldn’t or didn’t want to join but they were in my area. After last weekend’s festivities I saw what they all had in common. They were places I could go to meet people and drink. The Seafood Festival? Yeah, I don’t like seafood but I do like, “BEER TENTS!” Next week is a women’s group, brunch at Applecrest Orchard. That is 3 miles away from me. I can’t join their group but I can go to the restaurant. What was I going to do? Impress everyone with how many apple cider mimosas I can pound down before my egg’s benedict shows up at my table for one? Volleyball at Jenness Beach didn’t make sense at first. My leg is too weak after my accident to be jumping around in the sand. Then I remembered the site said they “sometimes” like to meet for cocktails at the restaurant bar across the street after the game. Yeah, “sometimes.”
I have no idea where I thought I was going to get the money for all this partying. I don’t exactly have a boatload of expendable income. I had big plans though.
I’m still on the site. I’m still looking for cheap, sober activities. I get notifications from some of the hiking clubs but I can’t get to the mountains 120 miles away. Plus some of them are overnight, bring a tent events. I’m not a fan of freezing my ass off. There are a couple bicycle groups I could reach but they do the “railtrails”, my bike is built for the street and so is my body. They haven’t sent out any notices lately. I even joined a couple book club groups. I enjoy reading but they meet at wine bars. And I do enjoy my wine. I could go and not drink but that may be wishful thinking.
I had one group left. I got the notification last week. It said, “You’re going!” Seacoast Empath Support Group. Well, I guess, I’m going! I looked at the group last night. It had a couple hundred members but only one was going. The creator of the group. She looked nice enough. She had a long ass description about her journey as an empath and she was deeply involved in anything and everything mystical. I just don’t believe in any of that shit. At the end it said she runs two podcasts. “The X-Files” and “I want to believe” Okay. Who knows what could be out there in this infinite universe but The X-files is a fictional television show.
What am I thinking? I still might go. It’s held in the crystal shop which she owns. I don’t know… I just kept thinking of my friend Marnie who said she was an empath. She always saying shit like, oh, I just got a strong feeling from my friend who lives a thousand miles away. Then she would ask me if I was afraid of what she was saying? I wanted to say, no, I’m getting pissed because you say you are an empath but you can’t pick up that I’m getting pissed you won’t shut up about this bullshit and I’m standing right next to you!
Click, “Not Attending”