“You don’t have to be beautiful to turn me on
I just need your body, baby, from dusk ’til dawn
You don’t need experience to turn me out
You just leave it all up to me
I’m gonna show you what it’s all about”
I forgot to tell you the best part about yesterday! I got sized up by a tall, young, strapping latino stud! (Not maybe, from across the room, did he just?) I was sitting in Panera , minding my own business. (I don’t know why I was in there again. I don’t like the food and I’m low on cash this month, but I’m gonna waste the $15 somewhere.) I think there were 2 other people in there, he was the 3rd and I don’t know where he came from. This time I really was minding my own business. I had just texted my daughter a picture of my flatbread pizza and I was still looking down at my phone because the thought bubble popped up meaning she was typing. I didn’t see him, I felt his presence. I looked up and he was stopped 3 feet in front of me staring me directly in the eyes with a dead serious look on his face. He scanned down my body, up my body and back to directly in my eyes, walked past and disappeared. The whole event last maybe 3 seconds. I thought, what the hell just happened? That was a first for me. Should I get a big confidence boost from that or not? I don’t know, you tell me.
Speaking of curiosities, I had another surprise recently. A couple days ago my back was still hurting and I wondered if insurance would pay for a massage? I have a doctor, I could get a referral. There is a “Massage Envy” franchise right there in the Walmart plaza. I googled their website and it didn’t say anything about insurance and their prices were too much to pay out of pocket and I was about to forget about the idea. I mean, do I really want to go through the trouble? I’m not disabled by it and the pain is nowhere near like it was before when it was all I could think about. It still hurts but it’s not calling me by name. It will probably be gone in a week.
Then I thought, that’s odd, I have never gotten a professional massage. Why not? Many men and women have told me how great it is and I agree it does sound great. Especially by someone who is trained and has to get licensed and it’s their job. Plus they make tips, right? (I think?) So the the better they did the more money they would make. Why have I never done it? I’ve seen the place many times and it never occurred to me. Like I said, now I can’t afford it but in the past I’ve had plenty off disposable income. I’ve worked manual labor jobs that made my whole body hurt. I could have used a really good massage then. I’ve never been cheap, I just blew $50 in the past week on food I don’t particularly like. I spend money on other people, I’ve let friend borrow money and never asked the to pay it back. Why have I never spent money on myself when it sounds so good?
I never thought about it before. I don’t know how much you would tip the therapist, but I could figure that out easily. Pretty sure insurance would cover it. What would it take? Two phone calls. Why can’t I be bothered? I thought I might feel kind of awkward being nude in front of a complete stranger, but you got a towel, right? That’s really weird, I never thought twice about stripping down and having sex in a straight, hookup with someone I just met. Drunk or sober. Whatever, probably not going to do it.
None of that was the surprising part. I said, forget the massage and closed the tab which revealed the google tab. Second on the search list was a place close to where I live, on the main road. (Something, massage therapy) I thought, I’ve lived in that town most of my life and when I didn’t I’ve lived close, there is no place to get a massage anywhere near there. It’s not a big city. It’s a small town. I clicked on the website and it was well done, professionally. They showed a picture of the building, it looked pretty nice and it said they were located directly directly across from McDonald’s. Okay, now things are getting really fucking weird. I’m not the biggest fan of McDonald’s but I’ve eaten at that location many times seated in front of the window looking across the main road. There is no fucking way I would not notice this distinctive looking building right in front of my eyes.
Now I’m really curious. I scroll down and they say, Asian massage, Full body massage, something else, $60 for 90 minutes. 60 bucks? That’s a third of the price of the place I just looked at. Down a little further, there were a few reviews and one of them was dated 4 or 5 years ago. Okay, they didn’t just build the place yesterday, I’ve driven on that road a million times. I’m not fucking blind. What the fuck is going on? Am I imagining all this?
I gotta know. I saw the address and looked it up on Google maps. Yes. Directly across from McDonald’s. And… Next door to the the little Chinese take-out joint. Now shit’s gettin’ real fucked up. I’ve eaten at that place a lot. It looks like trash, but it has really great food. Not only have lived near the place. I’ve practically lived inside the place. Eaten at the McDonald’s across the street, the Chinese place next door, Went grocery shopping many times at the store next to that. What? I know plenty of people in the area, nobody has ever said, hey, you can get a really cheap massage at this place a mile away from your house? I’m baffled. I look again at the map and see the blue line takes a tiny left and a tiny right. Okay, I look at the directions they say take a left, next right, the street has no name. Alright, I’m not crazy. It’s not on the main road, That is just their postal address.
Mystery solved. I’m about to close Google maps and I see “Street View.” Wait a minute. That. Is not the building on the website. In fact, it does not even closely resemble the building on the website. It’s the tiniest brick building AND it only occupies half the space. There is another business there. But, there is a sign, (Something massage therapy) I go back to their website and see something that puts it all together. Now I know what is going on. Building looks abandoned, Asian girls, Nobody has ever mentioned it… “Cash Only.” Pretty sure my insurance it not going to cover that.