One More Try?

J— wakes me as she crawls out of bed.
It’s eight o’clock on a Saturday morning and my head is pounding.
She leaves for work and I am glad she has an obligation that takes her away from me.
I open a beer and light a cigarette.
There’s a knock at the door and I think how I am lucky by five minutes.
I open the front door wearing my boxers; I knew she was coming.
“Do you still want to do what we talked about last night?”
“What’s that?” I ask, half playing dumb.
She walks past me into the bedroom.
We have nothing to say before taking off our clothes, but we’re slow and cautious and tentative and halfway through we stop.
There is no salvaging this relationship.
Embarrassed, she dresses quickly and leaves.
It is the last time I will see her
I finish my beer with another cigarette and smile at the wall until I sleep.

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