“We were once so close to heaven
Peter came out and gave us medals
Declaring us the nicest of the damned”
“Road Movie To Berlin” They Might Be Giants
I started this summer so desperate to get offline. All of the happiest people I knew said they would never feel safe meeting someone online. That is fine but when I got divorced I moved 100 miles away from all of my friends and had to join Facebook to keep in touch. It didn’t work. Nobody cared. I finally felt I have to meet someone and it turned out to be the wild, wild west of dating sites! There were no rules! Everything was free and features were unlimited. You can’t even pay for the extra teasers you are shown today.
I’m going backwards. I wanted to go outside in public and meet people the old fashioned way. Like by being attracted and saying hi, and maybe something interesting afterward. I’m still fucking it all up. I don’t remember how to do it. I do. It’s easy. But people my age aren’t doing it anymore. Then I panicked. You might know the rest of the story. Maybe not? People going to family events already have families. Where do I fit in? Nowhere…
I was having too much fun hooking up with other women in their 40’s recently divorced. They were horny bitches. I was a horny bitch.
My main idea was I wasn’t going to get a girlfriend until my daughter turned 18. I didn’t want her to have a bunch of “aunties”. The flaw in my thinking is was I will be 54 when she turns 18. A little bit old for hooking up don’t you think? Worse was she got her license this year and everything turned out faster than I thought. And also I lost 2 girlfriends at the same time for some reason I still don’t know.
I’m still not sure I want a serious girlfriend. But who the fuck wants what I want at my age? Let’s take it logically. Okay, You are a woman in you 50s, single, looking for a man with steady job, place to live, settled past, car, fucking I don’t know what else? I don’t have half that shit!
It doesn’t matter, I never had that shit in my favor. I always had my words. Until life started swiping. There are no words. Just a pretty face. I still don’t give a shit because I haven’t had to meet anyone new in years and I met them with my words. Now I’m fucked. Am I?
Fast forward. I wrote about of this shit too long. [Aside: } I did get fucked up when I also panicked on Labor day weekend. Appanetly it wasn’t me because I got banned from POF. Not like me at all so it must have been someone else. Okay, maybe me. I only go on there a couple times a year but this same bitch fucks with me every time. I was fucking blasted. I told her to suck some dick and then some, I usually ignore her but she reported me and I am banned from them and their sister sites related to my phone number.
Sidetracked. Summer is over, I’m depressed, but I’m still trying. go to Subway, right? It’s not even called Subway. It’s fucking Panera. It’s before I know anything I know about this but it’s going out in public and keeping my eyes and head up and willing to say “hi”, even if it’s not possible. But this place sucks. First of all there is nobody there but the people there are there for the free wifi. they all have their heads down in their phones and laptops. Nobody wants to say shit!
Today Itt was 3 am and I joked about going to the diner but I was not going to walk there. I have already been there. But I have already been up for 5 hours thinking about this shit. As soon as I walked in I laughed because there was the old guy, only buying coffee, leaving no tip, calling all the waitresses “honey”, and also sitting down near the end where the waitresses hang out waiting for customers.
None of that matters because I was already walking there crying, thinking, I don’t want this place. WTF am I doing? I am never up at 8am? I’m already pissed off. Whatever. I went how\e. I still went out 3 fucking times that day. Doesn’tt matter who had their noses burned into their phones. I don’t want to meet any of them. I’m just sick… Winter is coming. Don’t get me wrong, it’s mostly dudes. They are there for the free wife. They thinkn they are there conducting real business. Justiffying free wifi by buying a refillable iced tea. \
There is one fucking one dude with headphones acting like hes got a real business and using keywords and terms like he just didn’t spend an 1.89 for a green iced tea to justify a place to0 sit for the afternoon? And I guess. Maybe his “partner”. is with him? but he has a ringand I’m thinking ing this fuckig douchebag can’t be married, is wife would never let him oujt of the house looking like this.
Anyone still reading? Cause none of this makes sense. I ‘m not seaching dating sites ove 50? I’m searching meeting peopls over 50? It’s all women, “how do I meet a man over 50?” Like hoe my fucking shit, I’m over 50.What ios up?. Same thing I am doing? I guess.? N\
Not really cause fucking they are looking for Now they are telling he same as now they are telling my age the way t9o meet people my age. I am finally coming co accept that. Recentlally I have been relaizing the woman I used to look at who I thought were 30 or 35, the next time Iook at them they are 18? Again, 35? I have no idea, I can’t fucking tell! Does it matter? If she is 30 she is half my age? I just can’t tell so forget about it.
Never mind I am a pervert. Okay? but nobody fuckincking cares, nobody fucking cares! I’m still walking down the street and woman half my age are flashing smiles at me. So what? They’re not the women I was attracted to when I was younger? I swear I was going to pick up a woman half my age waving me across the street. but like no, she is just being nice. but not fucking way. Younger women have always loved me and me them What dpo IO do0?’
No, backwards. I’m still doing the same shit. Tonight I good
No, I’m still backwards, the most popular google search was How do woman over 50 meet men over 50? Like what the fuck? They are all looking for me?
I’m fucking telling you! Women over fifty are looking to meet me! They want a steady household and shit. but I looked a little more into it and for people looking for underachievers? Nodody came up!
It doesn’t matter. I’m doing all the right thinges.
Never mind all that shit, my daugher quit the job she loved because the other employees were hating on each other. They were all nice to her but she doesn’t like that shit. She doesn’t like to see each other treat each other that way. She is very sensitive. I was upset. I am the last to know. she decideded to quit Monday. Her mom told me and I said I was crying it was her first job but she said she alreadiy applied for others. I was upset because she loved the job and her first choice. \
I didn’t know what to say but I’m sorry, blah, blah… What I wished I knew the perfect thing to say but I don’t. Her mom and her said it’s okay, but it wasn’t okay with me. I’m fucking helpless. They still say it’;s okay. But, no, it’s not okay to say?
Later down the street I said , well fuck it? Right. I texted her, “you are only 16 anyway, there is no reason you shouldn’t be wasting anytime in a job you don’t like”
She hearted me and I knew said the perfect thing!
You think I give a shit if I meet a 50 year old broad?