Outlaw Poverty Type

“She woke up and took me by the hand
She’s gonna love me in my Chevy van and that’s all right with me”

“Chevy Van” Sammy Johns

We were in the middle of fucking nowhere, AZ, in the middle of the night, driving down a dark ass two lane road, hoping to find the gas station promised by the sign on the highway exit.

We had left a two day stop and I had forgotten to fill up the van in the morning before tear-down. Fuck! I never do that! The sheet we had from the lead man who put up the arrows said it was only 20 miles but we were in the red.

Finally! Arc lights up ahead, that has to be it. What else could it be. Thank god they’re open! How the fuck can they stay alive 24 hours? Nobody in a 100 miles.

The gas cap was on the right so I drove past the island, took a left, left, left and slid in beside the two pumps. The blues flashed once behind us. My stomach dropped! Fuck!. Where’d he come from? There was never anyone behind us. I don’t know.

Joie was in the passenger seat, telling me to relax. Relax? I’m shitting my pants. She was always calm, nothing rattled her. I already had my license out and she handed me the registration from the glovebox. I kept checking the mirror. What’s this guy doing? We been sittin here forever.

Finally, he walks up to the window. “I pulled y’all over cause ya got a headlight out.” Older than me but young for a cop. “Oh, shit! Fuck! It works, I just gotta bang it on the side and it stays on. I forgot. I’m sorry.” I was climbing halfway out the window cause the door doesn’t open. “No way! I had an old car like that, same thing.” I’m feeling a lot better now. I ball my fist and slam it sideways on the fender, the light brightens. “See? It will stay on forever until I shut the motor off and then I have to do it again! I don’t know what it is… I put a whole new lamp set in, still does it”

“Yeah! Same thing! Weird. Alright, I still gotta see you license.”

“Yeah, right here…” He walks back to his car and I climb back through the window and start sweating again. Joie’s laughing. “Cut the shit!”.

He comes back to the car and hands me my papers. “Y’all have a good night, I just wanna let you know you got a license plate light out also, you wanna get that fixed.”,, “Okay…Thanks a lot!”

A license plate light? You mean the one that is supposed to illuminate the two year old expired tags from NH, 2,000 miles from home? I got that the next day.

Only time a cop has done me a solid

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