Lust For Life

Robot Brain

“You’re a shotgun – bang! What’s up with that thang?
I wanna know how does it hang?
Straight up, wait up, hold up, Mr. Lover
Like Prince said you’re a sexy mutha-“

“Shoop” Salt-N-Pepa

Last week I was embarrassed by doing something stupid and yesterday I was kicking myself for not doing something stupid. Can you guess where I was?

While I was in there I was laughing about deleting the dating apps. One of the funny things I kept thinking because I see it so often, (I don’t know if men say the same) every woman puts in their bio, they are looking for adventure. I can imagine the adventure they were having on the couch swiping and typing when they wrote that.

I had more adventure at fucking Panera all week. That’s why I keep going. Last week would have been funnier if I someone else had done it. It wasn’t that bad. It was pretty clever to come up with on the spot. I just didn’t notice she was wearing earbuds and couldn’t hear me. I’m still laughing.

Memory of that is what stilted me Saturday. I don’t know. I’m still confused. There were about 50 people in there. Never before. I took one of the last seats but it was perfect because I go there to people watch and I could see the whole place. There was another beautiful woman way across in the other corner. But what am I going to do stare at her the whole time? There were some weird people doing weird things. I’m the weirdest but nobody notices because they don’t watch people like I do.

(Skip ahead) I noticed my new dream girl had left. I don’t care, what else am I going to do? Sit at home and try to type a journal before the day begins? I look up and she hadn’t left, she was coming back with her food. It was funny because she was taking baby steps, holding her tray steady, trying not to spill her soup. She looked up and smiled, I smiled back, so what, it was a little funny. I keep doing my thing, looking around, drinking coffee. (Coffee in the afternoon is just my excuse to leave the house.) I turn back and she hadn’t returned to the corner. She stopped at the table in front of me with four chairs and picked the one facing me and is big smiling already before noticed. I returned it but I’m all screwed up about being embarrassed the other day. Now that I think back I should have said something, she was only ten feet away. But what? I was tongue tied and I can’t figure out if she is smiling at me because I’m a nice, harmless old man? I’m 52, I look older, she can’t be more than 30… I am harmless but not always so nice.

She left. What has me all fucked up doing this shit is the article I read this summer… “How to meet men over fifty.” It was long, detailed article. Go to home depot in the afternoon, shit like that.. That is what fucked me all up. Like. I’m 50, I’m right here. I read another article by a guy saying the same thing. Don’t go to bars. Go to the grocery store when people are shopping after they get out of work. I can’t do that, but I can sit there and drink coffee.

I left my house around 2 and by the time I was done it was pitch black. Like it was only 4:30! No way am I going home. It was 50 degrees! November. (This is where I left of Sunday but you know my life is a never ending story.

Nobody would believe what happened at 8am this Tuesday morning so I’m not telling anyone. But you can imagine why I chose the lyrics to start off this post.

I got big plans tonight. This weekend I was freakin’ I got to get of this town! It’s true. I realized I lived her 8 years and the only people I talk to aren’t from this town. Saturday I tried searching housing but 4 apartments on the conglomeration websites. The same 4? Sunday I found the website where you type in any town in the country and it shows the approved housing there. They have 1100 apartments in Portsmouth within walking distance of downtown. They all have waiting lists and there is no set length of time. I had it in my head I couldn’t move until my daughter turns 18 but she is driving and I have Uber. I was lucky because I forgot about waiting lists. This could work perfectly.

My plans. I have to get out of this town for at least a few hours. I went on meetup.com and there was a Ghostbusters watching party but it was 3 people who called themselves “Geeks.” I was thinking it’s weird how so many people express their individuality in exactly the same way. They all like Comic books, Star Wars, Anime, etc… A geek is someone who has is own things going on. I am a geek. I don’t mean I am unique but you know. Then there was this weird thing a guy had about the men teach the woman how to cook. Sounded good but it was just him and another woman. I joined and an hour later I got an email saying the event was cancelled due to lack of interest. The I saw I had another email that looked like it was from his group with his name transferring hosting responsibilities to me and click the link if interested. I clicked but then asked him why he cancelled and turned it to me? He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

My thinking is single people want to meet around the holidays. I know because I am single. Also almost every year some woman I barely know texts wondering what I have been up to.

Then I found Tuesday night $5 burger night at a bar in Salisbury. I wasn’t going to join because it is at a bar but I feel confident about not drinking. (I hope) Last summer I knew I was fooling myself and would catch myself at the last minute saying, You know you can’t go into a bar and not drink. Now it feels different. I don’t feel over confident. I just don’t want to drink. The second reason I wasn’t going to join was it is a private group. I don’t understand. I just clicked it and had to answer basic questions, like, do I agree to follow the guidelines, etc… An hour later I got an email saying I was “approved”. I looked at the event and it was me and another guy and six women! I told you about holidays. I checked again today and the other guy had dropped out and a woman took his place. If I go it will be me and seven women! I feel weird because they do it every week but it’s not the same people every week so who knows. I don’t want to be the only stranger. Who knows? Maybe they are all married but why would they be going to a bar without…. Yeah, that happens but why am I invited. I’m not saying I am going to hook up but I will be able to talk to actual people. And seven women! I have to go.

I feel pretty good about going to a bar. I am confident I can be “diet coke” guy and nobody will care. It goes from 6 to 8pm and the bar/ restaurant closes at 9pm. I feel different. I quit drinking for a long stretch but it would be a struggle sometimes. I’ve been through a few things the past 3 weeks that would have been giving me thoughts but it takes less than a minute and I forget about it. Plus I don’t think it would be a good first impression.

Wish me luck, lol

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